That probably seems like a difficult concept, but for me the idea of when it's appropriate to dream is very concrete. I grew up poor, like a lot of people, and I rarely saw my parents dream, they only worked. And as an adult I feel guilty for quitting my corporate IT job and pursuing my dream of being a writer, but you know what... Fuck that!
It's my dream and I don't have any damn kids to support. It's just me that I have to worry about so why should I work a job I hate just to match up to some ethereal idea of success. I want to figure out what success means for me. I don't know what Kris Villarreal the successful novelist looks like, but I want to know that girl. And it's not as if I think fulfilling my childhood dream is going to banish all my problems and instantly make me a better person...
No... that's definitely not my anticipated outcome, but I have to hold on to this because if I let it go the pain just might kill me. I want more, and I'm going to get it. And I know it sounds arrogant, but I've always known that I was different. The way that I feel, the way that I internalize it's always made me feel like an outsider.
Growing up I was the lone kid on the blacktop sitting on the sidelines reading Emily Dickinson and scribbling my own shitty poems in to a beat-up composition notebook while the other kids played kickball. Writing is in my blood and that's why I know I can't give up and you shouldn't either.
Whatever your dream is, don't sit on your ass telling yourself you're not good enough, because that's bullshit. Who said you weren't good enough? No one! And if someone did tell you that I hope you stopped talking to that person because they don't know shit. Work hard and dream, dream on, dream until it happens, work until it happens. Good luck to you and to me.
Love,
Kris
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