In Search of the Great American Novel

When I was little I kept a running inventory of all my toys, and the names of every person I had ever met.

I sat on the sidelines during kickball, scribbling in to a beat-up composition notebook; crafting poems, drafting short stories.

When I was little I had a nervous habit of chewing on my fingernails and pinching babies when no one was looking.

I once went eight weeks without combing my hair, and wore the same pair of jeans for a year without washing them.

When I was little I pined over Judy Blume, R.L Stine, and recorded every early-morning episode of Sailor Moon.

Back then, I walked slower, rested more often, and had the time to stare up at the drifting clouds. I watched the stars at night, and waited for the leaves to fall. I felt change, noticed it through the seasons.

When I was little I dreamed, hoped, believed that the world would one day be a place I could call home.

When I was little a felt an emptiness, a hollowing out inside my chest. And I didn't know it then, but now I know that I was searching for something I had yet to find.

Love,
Kris

Growing Pains

Growing up is hard to do, and over the last few years I've been struggling to keep up with the rest of my generation. I'm in my mid-twenties and for me adulthood has been a major adjustment -- both good and bad. I've struggled in my career, and that alone has me feeling like I'm one step behind everyone else.

I often set high expectations for myself, too high in fact. And while I did well in school and at university I had a difficult time finding a job after college. It took months, four months exactly before I landed my first job working in IT as a communications specialist for a major corporation.

It wasn't long before I realized I hated the job and wanted to quit, but I don't believe in quitting so I stuck it out until I was laid off only 10 months in to the job. I found myself on the job hunt again, landed a PR position at a healthcare company and was laid off again after working there for a little over a year.

So it seems that things just haven't worked out for me. I should throw in the towel, admit that I've failed at life and crawl in to a hole and die, right? Fuck that I will make my own way. I took matters in to my own hands and started writing books during that first corporate IT job. I've written four so far all unpublished, but I hope that changes soon.

My unsuccessful career in corporate America has taught me a few things:

Don't define yourself by what you do because it will leave you feeling empty.
Don't dedicate your life to a job.
Don't expect anyone to look out for you or your career.
Don't assume that just because you land a job you will be happy there.
Figure out what you love and do that because for some, corporate America can be a nightmare.

The 40-hour work week isn't for everyone. The monotony of the days can often be unbearable as once you're an adult everything starts to blend together like one big mural of time. I've learned to appreciate myself without my career path being set in stone. I've learned to value flexibility and to not worry so much about other's opinions because most people are fucking stupid unfortunately.

Through growing up, I've also learned that it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to admit your faults and to make mistakes. It's okay to be me, and I don't have to make excuses for myself.

But the most important thing that growing up has taught me thus far is that you have to live your life no matter what, and knock down anyone who's standing in your way.